Just some thoughts

Suicide.... Most people have thought about it... And so have I...
If I go back time to the day when i was 10... Life was great then but now it's my worst nightmare..
You wanna know why?
About 6 months ago I met this cute guy... he was almost everything that I wanted in a guy...
He was cute, careing, gentle... His only problem was that he drunk too much
First time I met him we became friends and later that night he slept with one of my friends... Then i knew that I can't have him....
The other time i saw hime he was drinking again and we kissed... that was the best kiss I ever had...
But that same night he and my best friend were drunk and again he slept with my friend...
When I found out about that I was shocked becaus I really thought that we could be a couple ... I was terrible wrong...
Some weeks later I went to his hometown and called him but he was out of town and asked me don't i wanna go there and sleep with him... ofcourse i said NO! and ended the conversation . then he sent me a SMS that said :"Why did you break up with me?" but we didn't have a relationship...
then about 1 week later he called me and asked me out... I went but he tried to sleep with me in some bushes but then i ran away... that same night he said to me that he loves and that he's gonna hang himself... I didn't belive it... I couldn't because he was drunk....
and the next day his friends called me and said that he was dead... I didn't belive it and thought that it was a sick joke...but it wasn't .
I only knew him for a month!! How could i know that he's gonna do that?
They said that he had written everywhere: Mann! I Love You FOREVER! he even had burned my name in that damn door!!
Everybody blamed me, even i blamed myself... some of them even wanted to kill me and i wish that they would have done that.
For almoust 5 months i have thought about suicide... but i can't to that.. i can't make my family suffer so much....
maybe next time i would tell you all about him and even add a picture...